I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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