the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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