I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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