Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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