wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
