Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
