Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
