i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
