you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
