Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
