I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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