I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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