Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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