dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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