at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
