He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
