And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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