I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
