Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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