i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
