I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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