I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
