Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
