i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
