In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
