I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
