Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
