Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
