When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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