wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who died my cat blue again?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
