Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need moral support for this bender
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize