Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
