i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize