Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
