HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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