:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
