I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
