just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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