I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
