theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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