Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
