Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize