So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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