Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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