I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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