I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's Friday. Sex?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
