Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
