MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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