Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
