Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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