i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
