I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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