you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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