Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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