just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
