If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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