When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
