There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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