If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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