Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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