Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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