can u get pink eye on your cock?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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