God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
