Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
