covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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