My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
