I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
