Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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