I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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