I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
