the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
