i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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