That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
