people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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