Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
