I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
